Interview - Jean Blackmer

Boy (n.): a noise with dirt on it.

- Aidian Miller, Not Your Average Dictionary Homelife Edition

Today we are joined by Jean Blackmer, publishing manager for MOPS (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) International. She is the author of Boy-Sterous Living: Celebrating Your Loud And Rowdy Life With Sons. Jean and her husband Zane live in Boulder, Colorado, with their three sons.

I recently interviewed Jean on the topsy-turvey world of being a boy mom. Here's what she had to say:

If you were sitting across the table from a young woman, pregnant with her first son, what would you share with her?

Be ready for a great adventure; a life filled with passion, noise, laughter, and energy.

Many of my readers are moms of preschool boys. As a mother of three, do you have any tips for surviving (and thriving) during those first five years?

Choose to laugh. You probably have, and certainly will, find yourself in situations that completely throw you for a loop. For example, one day my youngest son marched out of the bathroom after completely shaving off his eyebrows! I could have scolded him about the dangers of what he'd done and been very frustrated with this situation but instead I found myself giggling because it was so outrageous. I realized he was just trying to imitate his father who shaves the hair off his face, and that was the only hair on Jake's face. So we laughed about this incident and still do. My other advice is to develop friendships with other moms raising boys. You will find great encouragement as you share with each other, and sometimes only other mothers of boys will truly understand what you're experiencing. Plus you can laugh together as you navigate new, interesting territory of living with the male species.

In your book you talk about the noise level that is part and parcel of having boys. Aside from buying a good pair of ear plugs, do you have any suggestions on either lowering the decibel level, or learning to cope with it?

Find a space of your own where you can escape the noise if you need to - for example go for a peaceful walk, or soak in the bathtub. And I think it's okay to tell the boys when they are being too loud and need to turn down the volume a bit. But be careful not to always squelch it and be a nag about not letting them be loud and rowdy at times, boys are boy-sterous!

What have you found to be the hardest part about raising boys?

Their level of energy and tendency to be very physical. My boys wrestle with just about everything, whether it's each other, their friends, our dog or even the bean bag chair. I'm constantly trying to direct their energy into healthy outlets. We did buy a trampoline and that was a great investment. I also send them outside a lot and try to keep them doing some kind of physical activity every day.

On the flip side of that coin, what have you most enjoyed about raising boys?

Experiencing life to the fullest. I've experienced things in life I don't think I would have ever done on my own accord, but the boys have brought so many new and fun experiences to my life. For example, I've jumped off 40-foot cliffs into a lake, been camping in the snow, have mountain biked up moutains I never dreamed I would be able to do. I've learned how to use a lacrosse stick, and have actually eaten chocolate covered bugs. Boys embrace life and really live it and I absolutely love that. One of my favorite verses is John 10:10. "I have come that they might have life and have it to the full." My boys have really helped me live.

I've always said that caring for one child is a walk in the park, two complicates things a bit, but you're not a real parent until you're outnumbered. My husband and I have gone from a Man-To-Man to a Zone defense. How have you learned to manage life with many sons?

You sort of just evolve into it as your family grows and they become more involved in different activities. We also try to intentional about not having a "divide and conquer" mentality all the time. We try to do things together as much as possible. It also seems like parents feel guily if they're not at every single game, but I think it's okay, and actually healthy, to not go to every single event. Sometimes you might have to watch one son's soccer game and miss another son's football game, but then next week just switch it around. Also carpools are awesome, try to make arrangements with others so you don't spend your life in your car. Creating a community to help is essential.

Attention span is another thing we struggle with in my house. I have a hard time getting my sons to sit still for a bedtime story, much less concentrate while we pray or talk about spiritual things. How can a mother utilize the God-given energy and curiosity inherent in boys to plant spiritual seeds in their life?

I love the Bible verse in Hebrews that says, "The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword," (Hebrews 4:12). Boys are active so teaching them about God's word can be a very energetic, active experience. The Bible is filled with romance, betrayal, adventure, miracles, redemptive love, all the attributes of a great novel - so don't let Bible teaching be boring. Make it an experience, a living, active, relational experience. There are some great resources designed just for boys such as God's Word for Boys. Also remember boys are doers, so do things with them, service projects, raking leaves at an elderly neighbors home, or go on a mission trip together if you can. This puts their faith into action and will be a life-long memory that will affect them and encourage them to do good works and serve others.

When it comes to chores, do you have any suggestions for teaching pre-school boys to help around the house? When is a good age to start and what should a mother's expectations be?

I think all moms need to lower their expectations of a tidy house, especially with boys. However, it's never too early to teach your boys to pick up after themselves. Even a big plastic bucket in the play room to put their toys into when they're done is an easy way for themto put things away - and of course it's never too early to teach them to always put down the toilet seat!

Raising a lot of little men is hard work. But as wives we would be remiss if we neglected the other man in our lives: our husband. Can you offer my readers a few ideas on keeping the romance alive in their marriages?

Date night is a must! It doesn't have to be expensive, just do fun things together, either new things or things you both enjoy. And try not to talk about the boys. In our lean financial times, we have put the boys to bed early then enjoyed a romantic dinner at home, or have ordered Chinese food and enjoyed an evening together. We've even set up a little table in our room, then we feel like we're out on a date. Be creative and be consistent.

I am dreading the day when my boys start to hit the double digits. What are some practical, hands on tips that moms can use to prepare for the adolescent years?

Raising children is a process and you are already preparing for those years just by being and doing the things your'e doing now. One of the hardest things is letting go of control, so I would suggest moms of younger boys start practicing letting go little by little and giving your boys the tools they need to navigate life as they get older and have to do more of it on their own.

At the end of the day, what is it that a mother of sons most needs to know?

God has made you this boy (or boys) mommy because you are exactly the right woman for that job! And God loves your son even more than you do (if that's possible). Trust God to ultimately take care of your boys because God is with you wherever you go and he is with your sons wherever they may go! (Joshua 1:9).


Jean, thanks for taking time out of your crazy schedule!

If anyone has a question for Jean, you can leave it in the comments section below. She'll be checking back over the next few days to field answers. To purchase her book click here: